'Please Advise' - Yellow Corp's Desperate Cry for Cash Hidden Under a Cap

In what can only be described as a business strategy "reboot", Yellow Corp., the nation's second-largest LTL Carrier, has admitted to being just a stone's throw from complete financial ruin. They have so kindly warned us that their cash stores would be running on empty by August, faster than a gas guzzler on a cross-country road trip, unless their latest restructure plan gets the green light from the Teamsters.

The proposed restructure—deftly marketed as a "innovative personnel shuffle"—would allow drivers to experience the heart-thumping thrill of working the dock, and would bring the added bonus of potentially moving them to terminals as far from their home district as a Hawaiian vacation. Yellow's genius plan, however, has been met with stiff resistance from the Teamsters, who have rather rudely pointed out that Yellow Corp. has been managed about as well as a chihuahua herding sheep for years.

Back in the year of 2020, Yellow Corp. had been the lucky recipient of a COVID relief fund windfall to the tune of $700 million, ostensibly to keep their business afloat and not, we assume, to finance a record-breaking hoard of rubber ducks. The management team at Yellow Corp., known for their astute business decisions and commitment to their employees, have since managed to burn through the substantial amount in a way that would make a pyromaniac blush.

Now, in a final act of corporate desperation, Yellow Corp. has partnered with Lost FR8 to sell stylishly bleak hats with the words "Please Advise" emblazoned across them. This chic new line of headwear is the company's latest attempt to scrape together enough capital to keep the operation moving forward, or at least pay for the executive team's daily venti lattes. While on the surface, it seems like a partnership, inside sources tell us all proceeds will be funneled to Lost FR8's "Please Advise" charity fund to combat the ever growing driver shortage.

Whether or not the American public has a desire to showcase Yellow Corp.'s corporate distress on their heads remains to be seen. One thing is for sure, the company's management has a bold flair for drama, and we can't wait to see what other audacious strategies they'll pull out of those 'Please Advise' hats next.