Introducing: The Colossal Mega One Stop Shop Amazing Platform of The Ever Changing Future Company!
WHERE VC MONEY MEETS HYPERSPECIFIC INTEGRATION!
Silicon Valhalla, 14th September 2023 - Today, in an audacious move, a new tech startup unveils their groundbreaking venture: The Colossal Mega One Stop Shop Amazing Platform of The Ever Changing Future Company (or TCMOSSAPOTECF Co. for short). The ambitious project was conceived after founders spent a record 3.5 hours in the freight industry, followed by several minutes on Google and an afternoon brainstorming at a local organic juice bar.
"After spending 10s of millions in VC money, we've achieved seamless integration with every tech vendor imaginable. And by integration, we mean we've briefly met them at tech conferences," said Caden Cashburn, TCMOSSAPOTECF Co.'s Chief Visionary Officer.
The company is founded on the principle that the freight industry, which they believe is about the size of a small studio apartment in Brooklyn, is crying out for a one-stop solution. "With our platform, we've identified the need for a hypersensitive BS meter – because we believe in giving the industry exactly what it's detecting!" quipped Cashburn.
Despite the inevitable warnings from industry insiders and people with experience exceeding a half-day, TCMOSSAPOTECF Co. is resolute in their mission. "We’ve studied the landmines - mostly through watching action movies. So we're pretty sure we've got a good grip on things," says Harmony Unicorn, Chief Ephemeral Strategy Officer.
And about the talk of reputations? “Oh, we absolutely agree. People talk and reputation matters,” says Unicorn. “That's why we've invested heavily in an AI chatbot that drops positive reviews about us every 0.5 seconds.”
Will TCMOSSAPOTECF Co.'s innovative approach of skimming the surface of industry knowledge and burning VC cash as fuel be the next unicorn? Only time, and the collective side-eye of the entire freight industry, will tell.
For further information or an invite to TCMOSSAPOTECF Co.’s launch party (BYOB and bring your own snacks), please contact:
Fancy Fluffington
Head of Overhyped Communications
Email: fluff@tcmossapotecf.com